Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize