if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
