Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We have started to decorate penises.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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