Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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