i need an iv and a liver transplant
Buhtt sex?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
