either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
