If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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