"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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