And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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