watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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