so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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