You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
