if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Couch. On fire.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
