She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We need to rekindle our bromance
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize