I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
