You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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