i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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