Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
