You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
