You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize