I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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