Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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