I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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