so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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