I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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