I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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