My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
