dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
