She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
