So drunk its hurt
Someone shit on the floor
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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