I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dear god my vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize