Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I looked at my own cervix.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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