tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He kissed a someone with a penis
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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