Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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