Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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