dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
