Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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