just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
