i just google imaged poop.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I sprained my soul last night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
