i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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