2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
