can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
