Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
