Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
