I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Your cock deserves a montage
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
