I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
