you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
