The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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