If i come over, it means nothing
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
