I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
