I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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