I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
