There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
