I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
