you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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