his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
