I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize