so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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