Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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