Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
