this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's never too late to be topless.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
