I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize