dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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