Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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