is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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