There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
