This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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