I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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