i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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