The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
