wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need to calm my uterus...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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