were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
