dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
