I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
