Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
