I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
