I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
