And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
