Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
