I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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