I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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