So drunk its hurt
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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