Can i not drive my cunt home
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
