Barsexuality is the new black.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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