I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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