I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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