Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
