I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
