and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize