He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
