He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
