Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
