Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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