Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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