Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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