it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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