Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
