That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
