Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
