I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i think i just lost a toe
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
